Change is inevitable and inexorable. No matter what we do or don’t do, change happens. It is thrust upon us by people or forces, known or unknown, and there is nothing we can do to stop or prevent it. Change can happen at any time. Even during the midst of change that we have initiated, the unexpected can happen. There is no predicting how or when unplanned change will occur. This is just how life is. But this doesn’t mean that we are powerless.

I have written quite a bit about habits and the importance of creating balance. But there is more to thriving than just helpful routines and practices that ensure wellbeing. To do more than just survive, we need to be resilient and foster a change mindset.

Resilience is the ability to adapt to challenges and hardships. It means being flexible and able to bounce back quickly when unexpected or unwanted things happen. Developing good habits, creating a balanced life, and having a strong support system allows us to be more resilient. Curiosity is important during uncertain times and contributes to resiliency. When we are curious, we seek to understand and learn from something new. This helps us to get back up and get moving more quickly.

Many of you have probably heard of a concept called a growth mindset. A growth mindset means that you believe you can grow and change, choose to be open to new experiences, and seek out opportunities to learn new skills and abilities. What I like to call a change mindset builds upon that. Having a change mindset is believing that opportunities are always present and being prepared to take advantage of them to improve a challenging situation. It is believing that you can thrive even in the most difficult of times, that you can learn and grow in positive and life-affirming ways from hardship, believing in yourself, and having faith in the unfolding of life.

Even during periods of planned change, there are always opportunities around us that, if we only paid attention, we could take advantage to make our lives even better than initially envisioned. Having a change mindset means knowing that life doesn’t always work out the way we plan. Sometimes, it can be even better. That is why being curious, flexible, and adaptable is so important.

Having a change mindset means being prepared to jump on chances that come our way. It means not getting bogged down by emotions or negative thoughts. It means to keep moving forward and always looking for opportunities to improve and not being afraid or allowing ourselves to get stuck because things are good. There is always something better waiting for us if we have the courage to take a chance and change.

Don’t think of the discomfort of change as negative. Change helps us get out of ruts. When we are outside our comfort zone, we have to pay attention in order to navigate our way through uncertainty. This is where meditation can be of great benefit. Staying calm and present are necessary to finding ways to mitigate or improve a situation. Developing a change mindset will make us more flexible, more adaptable and, rather than just surviving change that has been thrust upon us, we will thrive in the face of uncertainty with a mindset that gives us the power to plot a course to a new normal.

When I used to work in an office, I loved listening to non-fiction in my car during my morning and afternoon commutes. Learning is something that is very pleasurable. Driving in traffic is not. Listening to audiobooks is one way I make a tedious situation into a time that, if not enjoyable, is at least more tolerable.

One of the books I listened to was Atomic Habits by James Clear. He uses the super powerful atomic bomb, made up of minuscule atoms, as a metaphor for the substantial progress we can experience by making tiny shifts in our choices and behaviors on most days. The English geek in me loves this comparison: atom bomb is to atoms as change is to habits. Math geeks might like this too!

This is one of the best books on change I have come across so far. It is well-narrated by the author, interesting, easy to follow, and extremely practical. Clear breaks down the science of change and habit formation into his own proven system that enables us to affect significant transformations over time by taking small steps every day. He also offers many tips that will ensure our success. An example of this is habit stacking which means to piggyback a new habit onto another that is already well established making it more likely you will follow through with the new behavior. This reminds me of one of the basic laws of physics: objects in motion stay in motion. Let your momentum and/or pleasure and satisfaction from completing the previous activity carry you through the new practice you are trying to create.

This text is loaded with helpful information. I wouldn’t be able to do it justice in a single blog post and that would probably violate copyright laws, so I’ll just write about a remarkable gem called “The Habit Loop”. This concept is distinctive because it works on any behavior, negative or positive.

The Habit Loop demonstrates how some trigger causes a craving that we act upon and receive a reward for. Determining how and when this loop operates (or can operate) in our lives will help us reduce bad practices and construct new routines. We can intervene at any point in the loop. Let me illustrate how this works with an example of my own.

I am accustomed to eating certain foods when I am overly tired or particularly emotional. (I won’t mention what they are because someone reading this post, who shares this proclivity, could be triggered.) My feelings are the cue to start craving and the response is that I stop somewhere to buy those items. The reward is the feeling of anticipation at eating these tasty products and relieving my stress. I know this is not healthy and the immediate results are various discomforts such as stomach upset and headache followed by weight gain. I have several choices in how to break this cycle.

1. I can notice when I begin to feel fatigued or emotional and chose to eat something healthy or take a break from what I’m doing to restore energy and equilibrium.
2. I may try to resist the craving by focusing on something else such as a work task, reading, cleaning, exercising or any number of activities.
3. I could purchase healthier versions of my “feel better” foods or select the smallest size available so as not to overindulge.
4. I might remind myself of all the negative consequences of eating that stuff and how engaging in this behavior is contrary to many of the positive changes I am striving to make in order to be happier, healthier and feeling better.

As you can see, some are better options than others. We want to set ourselves up for success so discovering our loops, and planning ahead, will improve results. For some, early intervention in the cycle will work best and, for others, maybe multiple points of interference will do the trick. Whatever the solution, consistent application is the way to achieve outstanding results.

I highly recommend Atomic Habits. When you purchase the book, you gain access to a wealth of material on jamesclear.com, not all of which is available to the public. Some of this is in the form of worksheets to help with planning your new habits. I have found it to be a wonderfully helpful guide that offers growth in all areas of our lives. If you are looking for a simple plan for building an exceptional life, this is an excellent resource!

What do you do to inhibit undesired behaviors and to encourage advantageous actions? If you have read Atomic Habits, what did you find most useful?

If you have been following my previous posts, you know I have written about how beneficial meditation can be for writers. It has helped me a great deal and I think it can help you too. Meditation can help you feel calm, centered, and grounded. Centered means to be fully aware of being in your body in the present moment. This can be difficult when we haven’t been taking good care of ourselves. If you are like me, you push away discomfort or pain and place your attention on other things. Grounded means to be aware of your physical body in relation to the earth under your feet (especially when your feet are on a carpet, that is on a floor, that is on a foundation, that is on the earth – it is easier to feel grounded in nature, but we can’t always go outside whenever we want.) This awareness of our connection to the planet nurtures us and allows us to feel connected to the earth and everything around us, even other people.

Being centered and grounded are powerful states because we can focus on what is most important in the moment and can respond thoughtfully to any person or situation that arises. When I am centered and grounded, I don’t worry about how I will react if something happens. In addition to feeling calm, I am confident in myself. These are not natural states for me. I put a lot of pressure on myself to get things done and do them to the best of my ability. This often leads to anxiety, anger, and depression when I don’t live up to my high standards. Meditation alleviates that pressure and returns me to serenity.

There is a heightened sense of wellbeing that comes when you are physically, mentally and emotionally balanced and connected to everything. I sometimes feel that life/the universe has a frequency that it resonates at and when I am very relaxed and aware of myself and my surroundings while in the meditative state, I can feel that resonating energy. I can feel my own energy vibrating at the same frequency. That feeling is transformative and restorative. And it helps me write better and more often!

Many people are daunted by meditation. But there are different ways to do it. In a previous post (insert link to creating balance), I provided instructions for a simple mindfulness mediation focusing on the breath. Now, I would like to offer something more advanced. This mindfulness meditation focuses on awareness and connection and is wonderful at any time but particularly beneficial when feeling alone or isolated.

• Sit comfortably in a quiet place (i.e., no television or music and turn the sounds off on your phone and computer) and close your eyes.  
• Take a few slow, deep breaths, focusing your attention on breathing, and letting your breath fall back into its natural rhythm.
• Notice any thoughts that come to your attention and let them go. Refocusing on your breathing.
• Become aware of what you are sitting on and how it rests on the floor or the ground.
• Scan your body from head to toe, noting any sensations in your body or coming into your body through your feet or where you are sitting.
• Keeping your eyes closed, slowly and gently begin to notice sounds around you. There are many sounds in a home or office that we are often unaware of such as the hum of the refrigerator, the fan of the air conditioner, or electronic devices. Whatever the sounds, just notice them.
• Then, expand your awareness to noises in the hallway, on another floor, or outside. If it is morning, you may hear birds singing. Maybe someone is mowing their lawn or there is a delivery vehicle on the street. Perhaps people are walking by, talking and laughing. Just notice what is occurring around you.
• Sit for a few more minutes (or however long you are comfortable with or have time for), noticing your body and breath while being aware of the noises and activity around you.
• To finish, bring your awareness back to your immediate surroundings and slowly open your eyes. Give yourself time to refocus your attention on where you are, why you are there, and what you are going to do next.

I love this meditation because it reminds me that I am not separate from the world. I am a part of the life that is happening around me. It is the same life that is within me. I feel connected to everyone and everything around me. Give it a try and post in the comments what you experienced!

Meditation is for everyone! It is very flexible and can be suited to your needs of the moment. You can meditate anytime, anywhere you feel safe, and for as little as a minute or two. You can meditate for much longer periods of time. You can meditate focusing on nothing or everything, your breath, your emotions or physical discomfort, or a myriad of other things. Try a variety and see what works for you. For beginners and people who have difficulty not thinking or stopping their brains from working, I recommend using an app to help you meditate. I like Insight Timer. It’s a meditation app that offers more than a hundred thousand free guided meditations and many music playlists, live talks, and classes (requiring a paid subscription) on a variety of topics to help people live their best life.

Beyond the free meditations and music, I enjoy using this app because it is easy to use with important features such as search, bookmarks, recommendations, and reviews. You can search by topic or how much time you have. Who can’t squeeze in 5 minutes for guided meditation to feel calm and focused? It is easy to share meditations and music with friends, even if they don’t have the app yet. The app also allows donations to Insight Timer teachers.

I cannot extoll enough the benefits of meditation. Meditation helps me feel serene and to focus on achieving my large and small goals, goals for a lifetime, goals for the day or the next hour. If, as researchers have stated, will power is finite and when we run out for the day, we won’t have any more until tomorrow, then we need another way to accomplish goals. One way is through habits and another way is through mediation. But that is a discussion for another time!

If you’ve always wondered what meditation was like, or you’ve struggled to meditate, try Insight Timer. You will notice a difference! And, if you have used a mediation app, please share your experience below.

“With habits, we don’t make decisions, we don’t use self-control, we just do the thing we want ourselves to do.” Gretchen Rubin

Life is filled with many challenges and responsibilities that sometimes place a heavy demand on our time and energy. Such things often conflict with our desires and needs. Achieving goals is not something we should leave to chance. There is contradictory evidence about will power: it’s finite, it ebbs and flows like our emotions, it is like a muscle and becomes fatigued from overuse. Whatever the case, if we foster healthy habits to create and maintain balance and know ourselves better, we will be more successful in our efforts. In order to preserve will power, we can build behaviors that enable us to accomplish more every day. Habit building requires time, focus, and energy so before undertaking this worthwhile endeavor, we should make a plan to set ourselves up for success.

The first step is to look at your various ambitions and choose one. It will be challenging enough to create one new, lasting habit. Trying to do too much can cause your preliminary progress to crumple like a house of cards. You might be wondering how you can choose just one. This exercise can help.

• List all your goals and think about each one. Ask yourself the following questions.
  • How long have I wanted to do this?
  • How important is this?
  • Why is this important to me?
  • How difficult or easy will it be to accomplish this?
  • Will it take a longer or shorter amount of time?
  • What feelings come up when I think about this?
  • How would this fit into my life right?
• As you ponder the level of effort against the importance and your current feelings about it, does 1 or more goals from your list rise above the rest? If it’s just one, great! That’s the one to work on now. If not, take a walk, meditate, or perform some other physical task and let one part of your mind consider what’s next while another part focuses on your exertions.

Once you have decided, it’s time to deconstruct the goal. Most ambitions involve many smaller goals. And those smaller goals are made up of many new practices. One of the keys to success when it comes to creating good habits is to break them down to the smallest steps possible. For instance, I wanted to have more energy so I could get more done. I had lots of plans such as painting my home office, decluttering, organizing the closets, but felt so tired after working that sometimes I didn’t even cook dinner. I just wanted to chill and watch Netflix.  When I thought about what would be involved in having more energy, I came up with the following list:

• sleep better
• eat better
• exercise regularly
• relax more
• work less

When I looked at the list, I wasn’t sure if work less was very realistic. I didn’t even know how to relax in a way that would rejuvenate me. I realized that some of these would require a lot of thought, research, and trial and error. It felt a bit overwhelming, so I decided to start with just one item on the list. I decided to start with exercise. I knew from previous experience that I would start to feel good after just a few days of consistent exercise. My goal was to get on the elliptical for 30 minutes at least 5 days a week. It was a great plan, but it was still too big.

Days turned into weeks without getting on the elliptical once. I always found an excuse. I’m too tired. I’m too busy. Somedays I didn’t even think about exercising. I changed the goal to 20 minutes at least 5 days a week. When I did not use the elliptical a single time in a few more weeks, I decided on 15 minutes. I kept planning and decreasing the time until, one day, I got on for six minutes. That worked out well, so I did it again a few days later. Then, a third time in the same week! Over time, I worked my way up to getting on the elliptical 2 times a day for 10 minutes each, 5 or more days per week because I liked how I felt afterwards and those breaks throughout my day became very welcome.

This is not how I envisioned exercising would look, but it worked. I wasn’t too tired. I had more energy! I wasn’t too busy to fit in 10 minutes. In fact, I looked forward to the break from work. Often, we just have to keep breaking our goals down until they feel possible. Many experts agree that breaking down habits into the smallest steps possible will decrease resistance to the new behavior.

Once we have a plan that feels doable, we have to be consistent to make it a reliable practice. There is some disagreement on how long it takes to form habits and, in my experience, some things take longer than others. Occasionally, I’ll make a decision and never look back. Typically, though, the formation of new behaviors requires weeks or months. But it doesn’t have to be tedious. I like to learn so when I’m trying to build a new habit, I read a lot about it. I want to understand the theory behind an activity or aim and I wonder what has worked and not worked for others. I know myself and I try to engage my strengths to bolster my efforts.

My “success” in developing a habit of exercise spawned the development of additional lifestyle changes. I started stretching, sporadically at first, then daily, and then twice daily in 10-minute intervals. That seemed to be the magic number for physical activity. I didn’t feel guilty about slipping away from work for 10 minutes to do something that helped me focus better. While streaming shows in the evening, I searched for quick and healthy recipes and saved them to Pinterest. Because I like to organize things, I organized the pins into categories. Then, I developed shopping lists and planned when and what to cook. I discovered the less crowded times to grocery shop were Saturdays at 9am and Tuesdays at 2pm. I also carved out time two days a week to cook large amounts of food so there would be leftovers. Sometimes, I cooked and froze food in individual serving containers. Eating better and exercising contributed to better sleep. And I developed quite a few new habits and experienced increased energy to do more things. My closets still need organizing and my home is still cluttered but I am loving learning to play the guitar!

Developing good habits that fulfill your needs and desires is a worthwhile endeavor. Not only will you achieve your goal, but you can change your life. Next time you feel an urge to do something for yourself, give in! And don’t forget to make it fun and interesting. Enlist a friend to learn and grow with you. Engage your strengths and your senses for a fuller, richer, more invested experience. Build practices that give you a better life today. Engage with the process of habit building in a fully committed, fully participatory way. Focus on what you are doing now, in the present moment, rather than where you hope to get to tomorrow. Enjoy the journey.

Writers are not immune to the ills that plague humans. We know about tortured artists such as Ernest Hemingway, Virginia Woolf, Dylan Thomas, and Sylvia Plath to name a very few. While more than 50 million Americans suffer from one form of mental illness or another, there is some evidence that highly creative people are more susceptible. I think that means we, writers, should make an even greater effort to practice healthy, positive, protective self-care. Following are some steps to take toward creating a life that will support and enhance your craft.

Maintain good health

There has been a lot of advertising around how to be healthy. All of us have a pretty good idea that the following are key to a healthy and long life:

• eating lots of fruits and veggies
• avoiding foods high in fat and sugar
• drinking lots of water
• exercising regularly
• sleeping at least 7 ½ hours each night
• trying new things

But like many things in life, knowing and executing are two totally different things. This is where knowing yourself, discipline, good habits, and patience will greatly help.

Journal writing

Writing in a journal has been proven to provide many benefits. One practice that I recommend is to just write out whatever is in your head every day prior to sitting down to write. For those of you who like writing prompts:

• How are you feeling today?
• What is on the schedule for today?
• How are you feeling about writing later?
• What might get in the way of your writing and what can you do about that?

You can do this first thing in the morning or whenever is convenient. This is not the kind of journal writing that you will want to save for later. There probably won’t be a lot of good ideas or well-turned phrases that you will be incorporating into your next work. That is not the purpose of this type of writing. This is similar to Julia Cameron’s “morning pages”. The idea is to give yourself a clean slate, free from all the random thoughts that seem to occupy too much of our brain. This is a practice that will help build discipline and patience as well as reap more beneficial rewards over time with increased focus. Journal writing will also help you know yourself better which, in turn, will make you a better writer.

Meditate

Meditation is very relaxing and calming. It’s a great practice that can clear your mind before and after each writing session or anytime you need to slow down and refocus on the present moment. Just 5 minutes will do wonders. A daily meditation practice offers many benefits such as

• better sleep
• increased focus
• managing stress and emotions better
• enhanced creativity

According to Harvard Medical School, meditating 10 – 20 minutes a day can lower blood pressure. But don’t try to do too much if this is new for you. Attempt 1 to 5 minutes at first. Here is a simple exercise:

• Close your eyes and focus on your breathing.
  • PRO TIP: If thoughts are intruding, you can say in your head, “breath in” and “breath out” with each inhalation and exhalation while you focus on the rising and falling of your chest.
• Take 3 slow, deep breaths, letting each out slowly and then let your breathing return to its normal rhythm.
• Continue to focus on your breathing, in and out. Notice how breathing feels. Notice how your body feels. Don’t judge what you observe. It is just information.
  • PRO TIP: If thoughts or judgements come up, in your head say something like “thinking” or “those are just thoughts.” Let them go and return your focus to your breathing.

Be patient with yourself. It takes time to learn to maintain focus on breathing and let thoughts come and go without diverting our attention. It’s a practice, and practice makes improvement.

Walk in nature

Walking outside is like meditating if you focus on what you are seeing and experiencing in the moment. Walking helps one part of my brain focus on organizing my thoughts while another part notices the warmth of the sun, the scent of flowers, and the pleasure of movement. It fosters feelings of serenity and well-being. If you have a dog, bring them along. Be present with your pet and look at the beauty around you. Notice the air you are breathing. Is it cold or warm? Look at the colorful flowers and variety of plantings. Can you smell the freshly mown grass? What shade of blue is the sky? Is it cloudy or does sunshine brighten everything?  How loud are the birds? Practicing awareness will help you stay in the moment and improve not just your focus, but your writing as well. Engaging with the present rather than ruminating on our thoughts will be refreshing!

Spend time with loved ones

A lot of writing is done in isolation so, to create balance, we must make an effort to spend time with others. If this means arranging in advance a scheduled time, do it. And stick to it. No matter where you are in your writing or how many ideas are coming to you, keep these appointments. Spending time with people who are good to us, who accept us the way we are – true friends – is as important – or more important – than our writing. Life is about relationships and, just like writing, relationships take work. Both are worth it. When you find special people, hold on to them. They make the good times better and the difficult times a little easier.

Read                                                                                                      

You can learn a lot about writing from observing how authors write. Think about the books you loved best. What did you like about them? Usually, the answer is something like the language, the characters, and the setting. Paying attention to how other writers use figurative language, create new worlds and develop characters and describe their interactions will improve your writing. Don’t be afraid to experiment. That’s how we learn and become better writers. Reading is fuel for your mind. Exposing yourself to new ideas creates connections between known and new information, firing your imagination. But it’s not only about writing. Reading is very relaxing. It’s good for you.

Despite how the tortured artist stereotype has been romanticized at times, I don’t believe we need to suffer for our art. I don’t believe in muses. I believe that our creativity is our own, to be developed or not. We don’t need alcohol, drugs, to be in love, or to be surrounded by beautiful people to write. The best way to bring out our creativity, and our best work, is by fostering our health and vitality, developing discipline, and establishing and maintaining a balanced life. It’s that simple, but not that easy.

When I was in my 20s, I thought having a routine meant you were in a rut. Life should be spontaneous and doing the same thing over and over did not appeal to me at all! I was quite nomadic. Always carrying a backpack with a few essentials because I never knew where life would take me. I didn’t know how freeing a routine could be.

I like to think of a routine as two or more habits grouped together. Gretchen Rubin stated that “With habits, we don’t make decisions, we don’t use self-control, we just do the thing we want ourselves to do.” We have many habits. Brushing our teeth. Showering. Washing dishes while preparing a meal. A routine helps us do more of the things we want to do without having to give those tasks much thought. This helps with procrastination and other feelings that might get in the way. No matter how tired I am, I brush my teeth, remove cosmetics, wash my face and moisturize before going to bed.

Developing routines can be so beneficial. A morning practice such as showering, having coffee (or tea) and a bite before work can ensure that you’re starting the day out right. And if, for any number of reasons, you don’t get enough sleep, having the habit of a morning routine will ensure a poor night’s sleep doesn’t wreck your whole day. Being tired makes me crabby but a shower makes me feel better.

Having a routine is very grounding and being grounded is important to a balanced life. As writers, we are not always the best at self-care. Sometimes we forget to eat. Sometimes we can’t sleep because the ideas and words keep flowing. When we’re in the middle of a project, sometimes that is all we can think about. Much of our time is spent writing, researching, and thinking about the writing. Some of us spend time planning and outlining each chapter of our book. Some of us develop detailed character sketches. Being a writer means often being consumed by our work. Routines can keep us healthy and on track with all aspects of our lives. We don’t want to neglect our health or our relationships.

Maintaining routines can ensure that we take time for ourselves and the people we love while ensuring that we have writing time in our busy lives. This is especially important if we work a full-time job to pay the bills. It is challenging to make a living from writing. Author Scott Tyrell quantifies how much he gets paid for writing in his blog. It’s not a lot right now. Like Scott, I have a day job to pay the bills. I work full time in addition to my editing and coaching work, writing, cooking, shopping, spending time with my spouse and our dog, and everything else that constitutes a life these days. If we didn’t have a routine to write regularly, our stories wouldn’t be told. 

The trick to routines is making sure that they don’t become rigid. We want the behaviors that make up a routine to become automatic so that we complete tasks without having to think too much about it. Thinking rather than doing can lead to procrastinating and other forms of resistance. On the other hand, if a routine is too fixed it can lead to problems. We need to be flexible. If I used the last of the coffee the day before (and forgot to buy some more), I’m going to be very upset with myself and I’m not going to have a good morning. My morning routine is out the window. Rather than just being upset and going to work upset and out of sorts, I could skip breakfast to get out the door earlier. Then, I can use that time for a quick stop at a coffee shop and grab some food there as well coffee. I can treat myself to a nice breakfast I didn’t (and would rarely) cook for myself. Maybe I’ll have ham, cheese and egg on a croissant! Or a blueberry scone! I usually eat something healthier like fruit, nuts, and low-fat yogurt. But going outside my comfortable behaviors can be a nice treat on the rare occasion rather than an upsetting and frustrating event.

Similarly, if you always write in the same place and at the same time, a break in the routine may not be as welcome. If you’re used to writing in a coffee shop and it’s closed due to lack of staff or renovations, where will you go to write that is busy and noisy? It might be better to have a routine where you write in different situations – quiet and noisy and, if you don’t have a day job, at different times, so that you can quickly and easily adjust to a change and still be able to meet your writing goals. It’s good to have productive routines but remember to be flexible when normal routine is broken so that you can still achieve your goals.

It’s good to have productive routines but remember to be flexible when normal routine is broken so that you can still achieve your goals.